Heavenly Brew

"Coffee is like a high five for your mouth." Oh true - it is. It is also the lifeblood that allows office camaraderie and tolerance.  It's a proven fact that a soft gentle sip of black coffee increases your ability to NOT kill someone. Proven. FACT. 

Yet we serve it in ways that completely neglect it's superpowers.


This liquefied solution to world peace and solidarity should be celebrated with a suitable dispensing device - begone with that hippy moonbat styrofoam bullshit!




We have driven the rich deep and often times aromatic liquid that makes coffee so wonderful into the bowls of dispensary hell.  This lackluster cup is typically white and easily penetrated with a wandering earring (mistakenly left in the cup holder of a 2003 Ford Focus) - the squishy cup will likely begin draining the hot liquidity all over your tender thigh while you re-actively squeeze the cup harder and force the liquid from the top as well.  

Your face red your thigh hot with pain you begin to swear at inanimate objects - expecting them to feel that your mercy is no more.  You then proclaim victory as your hurl the broken and half empty cup of boiling hot liquid from your window only to realize - you never opened it.  As it splats on the glass and drops to the floor spilling the remaining coffee onto your only dry thigh and the floorboards of your semi new car, you find yourself hitting the steering wheel uncontrollably before you realize you should probably pull over.

It's a vicious cycle - and a moment in time that the drivers in your immediate vicinity are still telling stories about, recalling the masquerade of profanity, hazardous swerving and sudden stop on the shoulder.  


Never again you say.  Never again will I neglect thy nectar of the gods with the cheap holdover cup provided by a gas station.  Never again will I risk the lifeblood that is my good humor.  

As you sacrifice a few meaningful dollars to the coffee gods to purchase a suitable dispensing device - you mutter a simple prayer..

"Heavenly Brew, coffee be thy name - your steamy wondrous bold taste calls to us. We shall serve you and drink of you. May thy beans be roasted, and may thy taste be as bold in my office as it is at home."


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